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The House of Charles Swinter

Twin brothers, two sisters, an old man, and the young woman he dupes into marrying him: love has its work cut out in this epic tale of spectral disturbances, mistaken identities, bitter family rivalries and a literal tsunami.

I.

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The House of Charles Swinter begins with a young woman weeping uncontrollably at a funeral. Since she’s sitting alone, she’s a bit of a mystery. The vicar in charge of the ceremony is roughly her age, and afterwards, he seeks her out to offer a few consoling words.

 

It becomes obvious that she’s disturbed, but they both sense some kind of deeper connection, and they agree to meet again. Crossed wires sabotage their tyrst, and that’s the end of that … Maybe.

II.

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After attending his long-estranged wife’s funeral, eighty-year-old Charles Swinter decides to marry again. You’re only as young as you feel, and this is 2004: the newspapers are full of ads offering ‘foreign brides.’ Thailand looks a good bet, but he’ll need to knock a decade or three off his age. And he won’t tell any of his friends, not yet. He’s got relatives in Australia: he can pay them a duty-visit, and discreetly call in at Thailand on the way back.  Since he’s as rich as Croesus, he ought to be able to secure a ‘top-notch’ shiny new wife: bright, beautiful, and deferential. And once it’s a done deal, everyone will be happy.

                                      III.

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Edward Grant is a young inventor and a young fogey. Almost his sole friend (brothers don’t count, especially vicars) is his principal financial backer, a man called Charles Swinter. When, after his former wife’s funeral, the old man suddenly decides to visit relatives in the Antipodes, Edward finds himself house-sitting. But then the voyager doesn’t return. A lot of digging reveals he’s in – Thailand?! But nothing more. Why there? Has he been kidnapped? Edward feels morally obliged to investigate personally.

                                      IV.

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David Blameworth is an expatriate Englishman, and works as a marriage-broker in Phuket. He specialises is matching local beauty to foreign money, and he’s not above a little subterfuge should the necessity arise. All right: a lot. The end justifies the means, after all, and the end is his bank balance. Besides, when a woman’s attractive enough, especially if she’s young and intelligent, there’s no such thing as too high a price to pay… And, oh, look, here comes Charles Swinter!

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